E-Portfolio: Waipara camp writing

Describe It - Camp Experiences

Learning Objectives:

Level 3

• Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts, using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Level 4.

• Select, develop, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts. Using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Learning goals:

• To ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ the reader by painting a picture with words.
• A variety of sentence starters
• A variety of sentence lengths
• Edit and rework
• Effective peer checking and feedback

It was the hottest time of the day and high pitched screaming echoed through the tall pine trees.As children get lifted up into the glimmering blue sky. You could hear the loud shouting voices of complaining children and sore hands from pulling strong ropes. Every time you watch someone swinging down you will be able to feel goosebumps rising on you like they're going to eat you whole. Although everyone is saying that its not scary you can't help but wonder"am I going to die or faint"? Suddenly your name gets called out by a loud shout that made your ears bleed,you realise that its your turn next.

As the bright bold sun shines in your eyes you spend what like an hour admiring the trees around.The countdown makes butterfly's in your tummy and nerves rise. Aah screaming you whole way down.The wind blows in your face messing up your hair, you suddenly remember to kick the brown branches. Thinking of doing it again you can't help but turn as pale as a ghost.


Student Reflection:
In my writing, one of my goals is to use different sentence structures beginnings and lengths. 
I did show this goal here because I used different lengths and my buddy also signed this goal off.

In my writing, one of my goals is attempt some complex punctuation.
I did show this goal here because I tried using complex punctuation to add more affect to my writing. 

My next step is to organise my writing into paragraphs with connected ideas so it will flow.


TEACHER COMMENT:
Fiona, I like the opening sentence you have used to engage the reader.
You have carried this engagement on throughout your written work as you added a variety of language features.
Your next step is to read each sentence individually and check they make sense. - Mrs Hunter